Marriage can become, but shouldn’t be, boring. Your husband wants you to support him and he needs you to look at him like he’s your hero. He also needs you to make your relationship your top priority. That means he needs to feel like your relationship doesn't come second – not even to the kids. Remember, you can’t have a strong family without a strong marriage and you can’t have a strong marriage without intentionally focusing on your relationship. The 30 Day Marriage challenge is about reconnecting as wife and husband, focusing on your relationship and building a stronger marriage.
For the next 30 days, these three ground rules will be the basis of your relationship with your husband:
You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to anyone else about your husband.
Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to someone else about your husband every day.
If you believe in God on any level, commit to praying for your husband and for your relationship (that’s two things) every day for the next 30 days. Don’t skip this; it’s more important than you may think.
Day 1 In your couple’s therapy homework book - list one thing you’re grateful for about your marriage and family. Do this every day for the next 30 days. Write them in a card and share them with your husband after the 30 day challenge. Book a dinner or a time alone together to share your list.
Day 2 Do at least one unexpected gesture to your husband as an act of kindness.
Day 3 Buy your husband something that says, “I was thinking about you today.”
Day 4 Today’s challenge is to let go of expectations. Unhappiness (despondency, sadness, misery, and suffering) lies in the gap between expectation and reality. Let go of expectations today. If something didn’t go the way you wanted it – let it go. Focus on appreciating what is/what you have rather than on what is not/what you don’t have.
Day 5 Tell your husband about a recent time when he was soft, kind, or thoughtful and how much you love him for that.
Day 6 Choose to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation.
Day 7 In your couple’s therapy homework book write out four positive things about your husband. For the next two days pick two of the four positive attributes from the list and tell your husband how much you appreciate him for that.
Day 8 Remember to complete Day 7. Share with your husband how glad you are about a success he recently enjoyed.
Day 9 Think of a way to greet your husband to reflect your love for him, and then do it with a smile and enthusiasm.
Day 10 Do something out of the ordinary today for your husband.
Day 11 What need does your husband have that you could meet today? For example: choose a gesture that says “I love you” and do it with a smile.
Day 12 Demonstrate your love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your husband.
Day 13 When he (or you) comes home from work or when you see him for the first time at the end of your work day, stop whatever you’re doing and greet him. Tell him you’re glad to see him.
Day 14 Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your husband.
Day 15 Today’s goal – listen. Do not interrupt your husband when their talking. Listen intently and reflect on what they have to say.
Day 16 Ask for his advice about something you’re thinking about, personal or work. Don’t shoot it down or list 101 ways it won’t work. Listen and talk through it with respect. Thank him for his help.
Day 17 Text your husband during the day to flirt or just tell him you love him and can’t wait to fall into their arms.
Day 18 Prepare a special dinner or plan a dinner out with just your husband and focus the time together on getting to know your husband better.
Day 19 We often unconsciously divide up household labours and without ever discussing it both of you have duties that have become your job. Taking out the trash, making the next morning’s coffee, emptying the dishwasher are part of the routines. Shake things up by beating your husband to that mundane task that is on his unofficial list.
Day 20 Ask a question about something he enjoys, and then listen to his response. If it's an area you’re familiar with, keep asking questions until you learn something you didn't know and then tell him, "Wow, I didn't know that!"
Day 21 Does your husband know that you think he is attractive? What was one of the characteristics in your husband that first drew you to him? Was it a physical characteristic, or something else? Was it his gentle, compassionate eyes? Kindness or concern for others? An easy-going confidence? A steadiness in his character? Strength of character in a culture that lacks integrity? Do you see at least a glimpse of that characteristic in him? Whatever it is, tell him!
Day 22 Ask your husband’s opinion on something and listen attentively until he is done.
Day 23 Make a commitment to remove anything that is hindering your relationship, stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your husband. v
Day 24 Today’s challenge is to say “yes” to your husband more times than you say “no.”
Day 25 If there is anything for which you haven’t forgiven your husband, forgive it today. Let go of your anger, hurt and pain.
Day 26 If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband today (in a way that honours him).
Day 27 Ask your husband about how his job is going (about his day) and listen without interrupting or giving advice. Encourage him to keep going if he stops talking. Be prepared to listen intently for as long as he is willing to talk.
Day 28 All throughout the day, pray for him by name and for his needs.
Day 29 Commit to God and your husband to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.
Day 30 Mirror what’s missing - So he’s not very romantic. He doesn’t say thank you enough. He isn’t affectionate enough. But are you? Examine your biggest gripes about your guy and turn the spotlight on yourself: When’s the last time you really kissed him? How long has it been since you called him at work just to say hello? Be proactive and you might find that the easiest route to getting what you want is to simply make it happen.