Pornography addiction is deeply connected to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.
It didn't start this way. In the beginning it was exciting, euphoric, a release. You always felt good, but later, just OK. Now you feel awful most of the time. At this point, it only feels good for the moment, a split second and then feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing come flooding in.
You have likely tried to stop on one or several occasions. You tell yourself over and over, "Just STOP!" But that doesn't help. Perhaps you're at the point where you really want to quit, but it feels impossible and every successful attempt is inevitably undermined by relapse. At times you feel like a failure. You tell yourself, "I can't tell anyone! They won't understand."
You have been struggling alone. Maybe for a long time, even years. Likely, no one around you knows your secret. You're afraid to tell anyone. In your gut you feel you will deeply disappoint the ones you love, you'll be ridiculed, shamed or even abandoned. You tell yourself, you could lose your spouse, your family, maybe even your job, but certainly the respect of everyone who finds out.
Maybe you're starting to question who you are and who you've become. Feelings of hopelessness, helplessness and worthless abound. Your secret keeps you isolated, helpless and chained to this addiction, but still you tell yourself, "I can't tell anyone!"
It's been a long season of defeat in your life and you tell yourself you just need a win!
But victory over pornography is not a single event, it is a hard fought battle that requires time, knowledge, the right tools, a good support system and a great therapist.
There is hope. Join others who have not only won the battle but the war! Be free. Let us help you build your support team as you start down your road to recovery and freedom. Rebuild your relationships and your life. Recover, restore, renew and heal.
"You can't go back and start a new beginning, but you can start today and create a new ending." It's time to become whole again.
So Why is Pornography so Addictive?
Scientists explain that a dopamine-oxytocin combo is released in the brain during orgasm. Behavioural therapist Andrea Kuszewski calls it a “biochemical love potion”. It’s the reason that after sex, you’re more inclined to form an emotional attachment. But you don’t have to actually have sex in order have that dopamine-oxytocin brain cocktail. When you watch pornography, “you’re bonding with it,” Kuszewski says. “And those chemicals make you want to keep coming back to have that feeling.” Which allows people to develop a neurological attachment to pornography. You can, in essence, date porn, form an attachment with it and rewire your brain so that dating real live people doesn't satisfy.
Furthermore "…psychologists argue that pornographic images can actually be burned into your mind. Emotional arousal causes the release of a hormone …in your brain that chemically burns the pictures into your permanent memory. This effect is heightened by the combination of pictures and masturbation." © 2000 Focus on the Family US
Barna Group 2014 survey on pornography habits
Percentages by age group that say they view
pornography at least once a month:
Men: (18-30) 79%; (31-49) 67%; (50-68) 49%
Women (18-30) 76%; (31-49) 16%; (50-68) 4%
In 2002 , of 1,351 pastors surveyed, 54% said they had viewed Internet pornography within the last year, and 30% of these had visited within the last 30 days…Rick Warren
Pornography Addiction and the CHURCH…
Pornography addiction is a difficult topic, especially in the church. Statistically, Christians of all strips are as deeply affected by pornography as the general population. More and more, this also includes our church leaders. The power pornography holds over people's lives lies in that they are too ashamed to reach out for help. They suffer in isolation for fear they will disappoint the ones they love, and lose the respect of everyone around them. This is even more difficult for Christians and other people of faith; especially for those in leadership roles. In their silence, no one around them knows their secret and, therefore, no one can help.
It is particularly difficult for church leaders and staff to get the help they need. More often than not, when they finally do reach out for help, they put their jobs at risk. With no one to turn to, they really are even more isolated and alone in their struggle.
Focus on the Family suggests their are four factors which contribute to pornography use among pastors:
Unaccounted for Time. Pastors often spend long periods working alone in their offices on their computer.
Emotional Isolation. Pastors have a difficult and sometimes thankless job where they are prone to loneliness and discouragement. They, like others in this type of situation, can easily turn to pornography for emotional connection.
Lone Ranger. Pastors often work alone or they find themselves in the unenviable position of having no best friend or confidant with whom they can share their inner struggles.
Malnourished Marriage. The 24/7 nature of ministry can be difficult on any marriage. The resulting intimacy gap can leave a pastor open to pornography. Pastor's Family Bulletin March 2000
The story is told about a Cherokee Elder who was talking to his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He explained, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ that live inside us all.
“One is Evil. It is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-loathing, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride and shame.”
“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The boy thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”
His grandfather simply replied, “The one you feed.”
The Apostle Paul in his letter to the Philippians (4.8) explained how to feed the "good wolf" this way…
"… those things that are true, those that are honourable, those that are righteous, those things that are pure, those things that are precious, those things that are praiseworthy, deeds of glory and of praise, meditate on these things."
Feeding that part of us which is good is integral to our freedom from pornography. Fight hard for your recovery, but don't fight alone. Find the knowledge, tools, and support you need to be victorious right here at Life 360 Counselling. Call today for an appointment.
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